WARNING/DISCLAIMER: The content below is not safe for work, school, your girlfriend, or your mother. If you are under the age of 18, or the watchful eye of someone who can’t take a joke please click here to exit. Content below has been collected from various sites around the web,
including the ever famous, (and now defunct) Junior Hockey Bible, as well as locker rooms across the country. Use this wisdom wisely boys.
This term refers to those unfortunate souls who usually only step on the ice with 14 seconds to go in the game, when your team was initially down 4-2 but gave up an empty netter to make it 5-2. The coach finally calls the Duster’s number and does so in a way that the Duster feels like he is finally getting an opportunity to showcase the talent he doesn’t really possess. Why the term Duster? Because this fuckin’ plug has been sitting on the bench the entire game…collecting dust. Always the worst player on team.
This species lurks in the depths of the bar scene and in rezes across the nation. Telltale signs of a Swamp Donkey are many and varied, including the wearing of Granny Underwear, tight shirts exposing their fat, disgusting sloth bodies, and a face that looks like a rotten bee’s nest. Swampers must be avoided before the consumption of at least 13 beers, and after that precede with caution and only poke her if you can degrade her in some way in front on the boys, preferably on video camera. Although the boys will laugh at the tim eof the sting, prepare to be carved for the next couple months. Species can be found lurking on most campuses across North America.
“Gong Show” (“Gonger” etc.)
Strictly a hockey term used to describe a situation that was, or could become out of control involving a lot of dirty sluts and a lot of booze.
“Fuck boys, me and Stewy wheeled two broads last night. Stewy pissed on my broad while she was fingering Army’s asshole. It was a fucking Gong Show.”
This term is unknown to civilians outside the dressing room and is a word used with pride and and class by some of the dirtiest hockey men alve. Strictly a class word.
“The Tony Danza”
This move is patented in three provinces and 18 states, and is a great way to really degrade a girl. This move refers to Tony Danza from the family show “Who’s the Boss”, a popular sitcom in the 90’s. So, first get yourslf a trash-barrel slut (see Swamp Donkey above), bring her back and start waxing that ass doggystyle. Then ask her “Who’s the Boss?”. She will most likely reply “You are, baby”. This is your cue: immediately reply, “Wrong, bitch! It’s Tony Danza!”. Then Donkey Punch her in the back of her neck, rendering her unconsious for a minute or two. When the beast awakes, tell her she was great then throw her out on the street.
The Sea Donkey is a close relative of the Swamp Donkey but has several subtle differences. Sea Donkeys can be found at keg parties where they are highly intoxicated and not very attractive. These beasts of the sea are masters at boozing and once intoxicated, are looking to get some hockey cock. They enjoy being told they are fat when you are waxing their fat asses, so don’t be afraid to do it. These Donkeys have been known to cost some of the boys an arm and an leg in Kangaroo Court the next day. Once again, only approach after 25 beers and all other options have failed, including the retarded girl with no legs named Bobby Nolegs.
This is the law of the dressing room, and civilian law does not apply here. Kangaroo Court is enforced on players who commit crimes with disgusting sluts of the opposite sex or any other “Rookie Move” a player will make.
Examples are: Kissing a broad in public (Public Display of Affections aka PDA ), grinding with a fat slut on the dance floor, getting with a wife in the first week of school or the season, banging a Donkey (see above), or getting screwed over by a broad.
Players are fined money and are continually Carved up like a Christmas turkey for days to come. Players can earn credit by humiliating sluts in such ways as: Carving them up in public.
Example: “Suzie, get your fat ass back home and make me and Stewy a sandwich. Now!”
Credit can be given for pretty much anything that degrades the broad in any way. Extra points for anything filmed on camera.
One of the most endangered species on Earth, this species lives in the trenches of the bar scene and aren’t afraid to get their noses dirty. The War Pigs will stop at nothing to get what they want; they are ruthless, disgusting filthy pigs who will beat up your girlfriend to bang you. No man is proud after banging a War Pig, but the one great thing is these animals love it in the ass. They will take it like a champ, and they always take a load in the face after the deed is finished. Enjoy these pigs, but keep them to yourself. If you find a War Pig , please report to the CHL, so authorites may shoot this beast and put them in a cage forever.
“Carve” (Carved, Cut etc.)
A Carve is when you cut up your buddies in a fun way.
“Who are you kidding, Murph? At least I didn’t take that Cave Man home you banged last night, you fucking Shilock!”
Carves are all in good fun and everyone is open game.
Refers to a man’s underwear.
“Hey man do you have any clean Gitch?”
These are the biggest panties you have ever seen in your life, usually coming off a broad that is at least a Deucer and a half. These Banana Hammocks could make enough blankets to keep a hundred kids in Kosovo warm for a winter. Never ever, ever steal a pair of these Hammocks. If you do bang a fatty, dispose of the Gitch immediately.
A Shilock is the one guy on the team who always screws you over at the bar or restaurant when it comes to paying the tab or bill. A Shilock always acts like he has money but never really does. These Shilocks were thought to be extinct years ago, but it seems now there is one living on every Junior or Varsity team across the country. These Shilocks use such tricks as the Bank Card Trick (trying to take money out but putting the wroing PIN in and getting an error message on purpose) or the Big Wheel Trick in front on the broads (When your wheeling broads at the bar, the Shilock will order drinks like a Big Wheel, then whisper to you for money, and you will pay because you want to get some pussy and not look like a homo in front of broads). Also when they owe you a night out, they will take you to the bar that has one dollar drink specials all night and then act like Bobby Big Wheel buying rounds for you. Beware of these Shilocks.
“The Chissler” (Point Shilock)
These players are the most hated on the team. After a goal has been scored, The Chissler will avoid the post-goal celebration and quickly skate right to the Referee to claim he tipped the shot in. In reality, he had nothing to do with the play. These are the worst kind of players, the old fashioned Point Shilocks. Unfortunately, like the Shilock, there is one on every hockey club.
“Bobby Big Wheel”
This is the guy on the team who thinks he is God’s gift to women, but really he’s a fuckin’ joke. Bobby Big Wheel will act like they play in the show in the bar for the ladies when really he’s going nowhere in life or hockey. Bobby Big Wheel will also put on a show in the ice when they score a goal, usually doing some kind of French celebration after scoring. He can be funny at times, but usually someone Dummies the Bobby Big Wheel by the end of the year. Found on most teams, easy to identify.
This word is used to describe one of the boys who just kills some kid in a tilt on the ice.
“Sebby Dummied that kid last night.”
It usually is used in one-punch situations where the scrap is over before it started.
“Talk Into My Mic” (Chewy, Gummers, BJ, Head, Wetty, Sloppy, Face Slam)
Use this saying when you want a braod to give you head.
“Ahhhhh you slut, talk into my mic.”
Refers to a microphone that is really your Cock or Horn. Great move, girls love it and respect you more after using this line.
“The Reverse Oil Rig”
Get your broad into the Roasted Chicken (Her legs are over her head) then turn around so your ass is on her face, then place your stinger into her snatch and bounce up and down, much like an oil rig would. Watch the oil come out when the slut feels this move. Strictly a class move.
“The Chili Dog”
Shit on some slut’s tits, then titty fuck those shit tits so it looks much like a chili dog would that you would buy from a Street Cock vender. A messy move, yet a great story for the boys.
A hot dog or sausage you buy from Hot Diggity Dog on the street after the bars. Not a smart move if with a broad, as an errant bite can lead to ketchup on your shirt and a Polish sausage can lead to bad breathe for the night. Either one of these rookie moves can result in you going home to a Sausage Party.
“Sausage Party” (Weiner Roast, Sword Fight, Cock Fiesta, or SausageGras)
This is on of the most unfortanate things than can happen at a party: the dreaded Sausage Party. We see this time and time again, one of the boys says, “Come on over lads, there’s gonna be sluts galore here tonight”, but when you get there, your head starts to hurt as all you see is sausages everywhere. The biggest Sausage Party of the year is no doubt the Rookie Party, where finding some pussy is as easy as getting laid with herpes on your face – it just doesnt happen. Weiner Roasts is the outdoor version of the Sausage Party and occurs mainly in the warm sunny summer months. Both parties are discouraging to the boys and everyone goes home losers after a Cock Fiesta.
“Cock Blocker” (CB)
This term is referred to as the old CB move, or pulling a fast one on your buddy. It often results in some fistacuffs or a war of words after a night out at the bar. It is when a male or female makes sure that you will not be getting any action from the girl that you have been working on the whole night. Every team has a CB and most take pride on their work as a Cock Blocker. It is an unfortunate move with no real winners. But remember boys, we never lose, the sluts always lose – we win.
“Taking One For The Team” (Team Player)
This is a term that can give you glory or shame. Either way, you will be well respected by your teammates. Taking One For The Team or being a Team Player refers to when you go out of your way to help out a friend so that he may get laid. This may happen in a numerous amount of ways:
1) Your friend has picked up a girl at the bar, and unfortunately she has a nagging tag along, otherwise known as a Cock Blocker. The CB is by far the ugliest girl you have seen in the bar that night (Swamp Donkey) who is decreasing your friends chances at scoring. So being a good guy (Team Player) you decide to Take One For The Team and hook up with the Swamp Donkey’s friend. This move even though gives you some shame, your friend will be well in debt to you.
2) Being a Team Player also can refer to when your friend has sealed the deal with a girl to go back to her place, but unfortunately has forgotten her name due to the 13 beers he has consumed. You then step up and ask the girl what her name is loud enough so it will sink in your friend’s head. You then repeat her name as many times as possible so that he wont forget it.
“RACHEL, that is a lovely name. I once knew a girl named RACHEL!”
This is a very honorable tactic and will be well appreciated by your friend.
“The Tea Bag”
A great midnight snack for any sucker who has had a little too much too drink or is a lightweight and can’t keep up with the boys. Tends to works best on unsuspecting sluts, but take what you can get. First, simply remove your pants and Gitch and carefully survey the scene. At this point, you want to insure your safety by carefully establishing a platform from which you will lower the goods. Once this is established, make sure a camera is in place to catch you droping your doggy nuts onto the victim’s forehead. If possible, deposit nuts in a slut’s mouth, but if not, the forehead will suffice.
“Sluts” (Dirties, Puck Bunnies, Puck Sluts, Ho Train etc.)
This term is often used by many non-hockey boys who don’t truly understand or appreciate the significance. Sluts are essential to a good time, and a hockey boy knows this. Sluts know their role: suck cock, take it it how I give it, don’t call tomorrow (or ever, for that matter), don’t acknowledge me in public unless first acknowledged (which probably won’t happen). At best, they are Plan B. When called upon they are like a pinch hitter, ready to go in case the starter has failed. And without a doubt, the most important fact to remember with sluts – you can never have too many. As a wise friend of mine once told me, “Sluts are like buses – there will be another along in 15 minutes!”
“All Ugly Team”
This term is used in describing the most ugliest, disgusting and sickest players in the league. If they are ugly, they make the team. The team is picked through an underground unanimous decision by the veterans of the league. This All Ugly Team is not known but many, but don’t be fooled, it does exist. (Much like you saw in “The Skulls”, the team is kept very secret like an undergournd society.) Please don’t add any names here, keep this anonymous.
A Trooper is one of the most important elements to a hockey team, and no team will succeed without one. A Trooper is the one guy you can always count on to go drinking with, even when he has three final exams the next day. The Trooper always comes out with you. The Trooper is usually one of the most popular guys on the team and is also the dumbest.
A word used to describe toilet paper.
“Hey Grantzy, pass me some Shit-Tickets I’m all out over here”.
You will here this in the room from the lads who enjoy taking a crunch before all their games, and these lads respect what the Shit-Tickets can do for them.
A great Carve to use on the ice.
“Nice Shit-Teeth, buddy. It looks like your tongue is in jail, faggot”.
Finding new ways to degrade another players teeth is always kept in high regard by the boys.
“The Flying Camel”
An ancient myth that is said to bring mystical powers to those who perform this act. The Flying Camel is said to have originated from the ancient Egyptian Prince Tukar, and this is how the legend goes: While waxing your favorite mixed slut (must be Egyptian, Mexican, Italian, etc.) get her into doggystyle position. Remove your hands from her ass (this will feel akward at first, but much like you remove your training wheels from your bike when you are a child – soon you will feel free as a bird.) As you continue banging the broad hands-free, you raise your hands into the air and flap them like a bird and commence screaming like a flying camel would (example. “Ahhhhhhhhhhh!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!”). The myth says that if you close your eyes, you will become a Flying Camel and many good things will come to you in the next week. But if you don’t close you eyes, the broad will turn into your mother or sister and you will be forever punished with that visual picture of your dink in your mom’s ass. WARNING: ONLY VETERANS MAY USE THIS MOVE. IT IS VERY DANGEROUS AND SHOULD NOT BE PERFORMED BY ROOKS.
This species is a cross between a Slut with a nice body and a ugly Rotweiller Dog. Her body says “Fuck my Balloon Knot”, but her face says “Dunk my head in the shitter”. Proceed with caution, the player must use a Game Time Decision as to wether or not to bang the ancient Dog Face.
“Game Time Decision”
Refers to a decision that won’t be made until there is no time left on the clock.
Example: “Murph, do you wanna hit On Tap up tonight or the Cabin?” “I don’t know, it’s too early, we’ll make a Game Time Decision later, bro”.
Used by many hockey players so as to avoid any thinking at all while boozing before the bars.
“Chew” (Chaw, Spit, Dip, Dipper, Lipper, Gagger, etc.)
Refers to chewing tobacco such as Skoal, Redman, or Copenhagen et al. A recent study by McGill Univeristy revealed that 73% of Junior Hockey Players chew on a regular basis. In unrelated news, they also reported that 73% of Junior Hockey Players have Shit-Teeth. Broads hate when the boys have a Gagger, but much like the Slut who says “Turn off that porno”, they really love it. Having a Chaw is a time-honored event used to facilitate telling a funny story on the bus or in the room about the town slut or how drunk Dicky was last night. A great accessory for everyone.
A Gunt is an intersting growth on many broads in our nation. You have seen this on broads that are hot until you see the fat mystery baker’s roll that grows above their snatch. This is a Gunt, a cross between a Gut and a Cunt. The scary part is no one knows where the cunt starts and where the gut ends. Proceed with caution, and be sure to bring a bat or stick just in case you have to knock this Slut out to make for a quick and clean escape.
“Balloon Knot” (Hershey Highway, Dirt Road, Chocolate Star etc.)
This term refers to a broad’s asshole. Think back to that time you threw it in a girl’s ass and now it will all make sense. Yes, the female’s asshole, with its pink-like appearance resembles that of a Balloon Knot that you would find on a balloon at your kid brother’s birthday party. Simply look at the knot on a balloon and you will see the resemblence. This term is great;
“Fuck boys, I threw it right in her Balloon Knot last night”.
A friend of mine once told me “If the Red River is flowing, take the Dirt Road.” Those are words to live by, boys.
This term is often used when a few lads get together for some pints after a game or whenever possible. This is usually at a sit down bar or in someone’s living room. All broads are excluded until later on in the night. When The Boys are together, anything goes and many stories are told and made at the same time. A time-honored event.
“Slop Tart” (Sloppers)
These are the lowest form of Sluts. These Slop Tarts thrive in the world of disgusting low level junior rinks. Mostly found out in the rural areas, they often posess nasty teeth and Coke Bottle glasses. Most Sloppers are the daughter of the Zamboni driver or an executive on the team. These creatures are by far the scariest animals in any league. Slop Tarts are known as the losers in their schools and strictly mingle amongst themselves. There is no reason to ever communicate with these digusting animals.
Term used to describe whores, Sluts and Dirties who were born in Scotland. These Sluts trick you with their accent into thinking they are hot when they are not. Be careful with these broads, they are dangerous and shifty animals.
A Suitcase is a player thats been traded to half the teams in your league. These players never seem to fit in to a team and always hit the road again. This is usually because they are the cancer of the team. You can see these Suitcases moving to their next team on the side of the high way or Interstate walking with their hockey bag attached to the end of their stick, much like a hobo would carry his booze and his one pair of Gitch on a train towards his next stop. It is said that if you listen closely as you pass the Suitcase on the road you can hear the song by Wayne Ronstad “On the Road Again” (“Going places that I’ve never been” etc You Canadians know the song). Everyone knows a Suitcase and they are the butt-end of many jokes, but a neccessity in the league.
“Road Rockets” (Road Puppies, Bus Bullets, Roadies, Road Pints etc.)
Refers to the beer that is a neccesity on any roadtrip to go bang some Sluts in another town where they don’t know you’re dirty. These beers make talking to broads easier and make fat girls thinner in the bar. Downsides to Roadies are piss-breaks and the Bronco Puker (see below).
The one guy who drinks too much and starts puking on all The Boys while your on the high way doing 100 clicks. These fellas are immediatly banned from future Roadies.
This is the guy on the team that is by far the stupidiest of any of the boys. Meat Heads are either well-liked or hated, there’s no in between for these lads. Meat Heads can say funny shit in the room at times, and are always good to laugh at. Meat Heads are the guys that mess up the Flow Drill for the second time in a row after the coach stopped and yelled at everyone the first time. Meat Heads have a love-hate relationship with most boys on the team. Dumb creature, should not be allowed to reproduce ever.
This is the act of banging a broad. It is as simple as that.
Example: “Hey Stew, did you Troze that Slut last night, or what?”.
The word refers to the Trojan Condom, and was shortened to Troze. A great new word.
“Bare Back” (Raw Dog, Stang’n It, Open Mic)
This is when you don’t have a dome, but you bang the broad anyways. This can look like a great move at the time, but can come back and bite you in the balls a couple weeks later.
“Wifein’ It” (Married, Girlfriend, Hitched)
This is when you get a girlfriend and you have to spend time with her so you get some pussy. The Boys will say “Where’s Mitch?”, and the answer being, “Ahhh, he’s Wifein’ It tonight”. It’s sad to see a man go down like this.
This creature is a cave dweller. They wear a lot of makeup to give the Sloth-like appearace so you see in the bar. Sloths can grow to be as big as 700 lbs, but interestingly enough, these gentle creatures never get taller then 4 feet high. This unbalanced body is what shapes them into the Slothy Slut they are. Sloths are not capable of banging, but can give decent Gummers. Sloths are a lot like scooters, there fun to ride, until the boys see you on them. If you communicate with a Sloth, keep this secret to yourslef to avoid Carves from the lads in the room. Many Sloths are daugthers of your billets that you live with. Keep away from these Sloths, as they are the most dangerous of them all. Contact with these creatures will have you packing for a new home real soon. Keep away at all costs.
“The Hockey Mullet” (Hockey Hair, Tennesee Flop-Top etc.)
This hair has been grown for ages, and every player has had Hockey Hair at least once in their career. Most of the time it occurs due to laziness of not knowing where to get your hair cut while you playing in a foreign town or city. Broads tell you they hate your hair but really they love it. Hockey Hair is different from a mullet because a mullet is for white trash people. When you play hockey and have the exact same mullet, you have Hockey Hair and you get laid a lot. That is the difference.
“The Wing Man”
A close relative of the Team Player, The Wing Man is one of the boys you go out to wheel with at the bar. This Wing Man supports any bullshit stories you make up, and makes you look like gold in front of the broads. In return, you are expected to do the same for your winger. A good combo can result in both of you getting laid. A bad combo…see Sausage Party above.
“Jets” (Wheelin’, Stylin’ Broads, Picking Up, etc.)
The art of picking up hot sluts. The night will start out with many of The Boys trying to wheel broads but only a small percent of hockey boys have a special gift: throwing the Jets on is the art of taking things to the next level, with these Jets on, you are ready to get laid. As you are leaving you must throw the After Burners on (See below).
This is when you have picked up a broad and are at the awkward stage outside the bar of trying to get her back to your place or vice-versa. This is when you must throw your After Burners on. It takes a true player to have the spark to this, and many Rookie Moves must be avoided. For example, going to eat after the bar is the worst thing you could ever do. This will sober the broads up and let them straight to think about whether they want to bang anymore. Always go straight back, food can wait. If used properly, After Burners can get you laid on a regular basis.
This is the unfortunate act of the one guy on the team who makes stupid comments that ruins your chances of getting laid. But this dumb creature is not a Cock Blocker, as they do not know they are fucking your universe up. They are just Meat Heads. Rookie Moves should be punished severely. (See Dummy or Kangaroo Court)
There is nothing more frustrating than dealing with a Ditch Pig. These broads are usually responsible for the most unfortunate situations of the dreaded Wiener Roasts. These broads make false claims that they will attend a social event and then renege on their promise. They gained their name for their ugly appearance of having slept in a ditch face down for a week or more. Sluts are needed to balance and even out large amounts of sausage. Failing to make at least an apperance once promised leads to instant labeling or title of this slut to Ditch Pig status. Never invite a known Ditch Pig to your party.
This is a term that we hockey players love to use to describe a girl or guy that looks like they were beaten with the ugly stick. The term originates from the farm lands of rural Ontario, where a young girl who lived on a farm was working and accidentally stepped on a buried shovel covered in cow shit. The shovel sprung up and whacked her in the face. Hence the name Shovel Face. From there on, her face had the imprint of a shovel and it altered her image drastically so that people would either stare at her in awe or turn away in disgust. These creatures have evolved and multiplied. They are often seen at the hockey rink peering down the hallways hoping to catch a glimpse of hockey players in their Gitch or coming out of the showers nude.
“The Star Spangled Banger”
This is a great move dedicated to all the American hockey boys and those Canadian players down south. This move has been performed by very few people and can be very dangerous to you and your position on team if not properly done. The proper way to do this is to find the hottest girl possible, and after a night of partying you have managed to get the keys to your dressing room. You then bring the girl there and tell her it is your fantasy to get laid on your team emblem in the centre of the room (For those teams who say it’s sacred to walk on the symbol, that is often true, but by doing this, I guarantee it will bring you the best of luck if you pull it off without anyone knowing.). Once you are both naked you must then proceed to tie the American flag around your neck like a cape. The girl must be in the doggystyle position as you bang her. If all is well, commence the singing the national anthem. Warning: this move must be properly done and in the best taste as possible, so that no disrespect is shown towards the American flag or the hockey team. Only tell it to your good buddies, and you may video tape if possible, but do not make copies. Evidence can be harmful.
“Gibbers” (Chicklets, Chompers etc.)
Is a term used by many hockey players to describe a set of teeth. It is often used in a derrogatory manor, in the attempt to inflict insults.
“Look it the Gibbers on this kid.” or “Dougie, you are missing a few Gibbers aren’t you, Shit-Teeth?”
Use wisely and save this insult when you want to give the knock-out punch.
Is an ancient beast (girl or guy), who lacks the dental hygeine that many of the modern day people have. This beast (often a girl) can be easily spotted for it has snarley big Chompers that fly out of their mouth like a hyiena trying to bit off the head of a gazelle. If you come into contact with a Snaggle Tooth you must stay clear of this dangerous creature.
Has a close resemblance to the Snaggle Tooth. It’s name in fact says it all. Its teeth are spread out everywhere and in all directions like a Piccaso painting. Some are here and some are there, the teeth that is. This is in fact one of the best cuts to an opponent on the ice if he has a mouth full of mad Chicklets.
“The Legendary Beer Goggles”
This is a state of mind really that comes about when your are in fact passed the limit of intoxication. It is a state that closely resembles taking some sort of halucenegetic drugs. These Goggles are obtained when you have consumed large amounts of alcohol. They can severly impare your judgement into thinking beastly girls (Ex. Swamp Donkey, Shovel face, etc.) are in fact the prize possesion at the bar or party. In these situations it is always good to have a friend around to give you a second opinion, or what I like to do is carry a trusty picture of a hot girl in my wallet, and when the the time is right, break it out and compare. If you have reached the ultimate state of the Tier Two Beer Goggles, I suggest you slip a picture of your mother or sister in your wallet and a glance at this will turn you off completely sexually and you will not take a Swamper home. Good ol’ Mom…
“Sugar Tits/Sweet Tits”
This is meant to be an ultimate compliment a hockey player may give to an attractive female as she walks by. Depending on the girl you may receive a smile or smirk or a fiesty smack, so beware and use the term wisely.
“Spaghetti Lips” (Squid Lips, Gums)
Is by far one of the best Cuts that can be said on the ice but must be used properly. It depicts a opponent that has lips that are overly big and look as if they have silicon injected into them. They are used by guys who need to hide their horse teeth from the opposition. Spaghetti Lips are disgusting and usually held by many players on the All Ugly Team.
This disgusting odor is emitted from both females and males after a long night of drinking. After banging a broad, you wake up and she is snuggling with you. This is unfortunately the price you must pay for not leaving after you banged her at 3 am. She leans over and trys to kiss you and you smell her Dragon Breath. Immediatly knock this broad out with anthing you can find. Find the nearest exit and run all the way home. Most hockey teams have one player who never brushes his teeth and is damn proud of it. These players are Dragons, and their breathe is toxic. Never sit with a Dragon Breather on the bus as it will affect your game in many ways. Be wary of these creatures.
“The Canadian Dog Sled”
This is a move not known to our friendly American neighbors, and only few Canucks are familiar with this secretive move. This involves 1 Canadian hockey player, and 2 American Dirties. First you need to pick up two broads at the bar and bring them back to your place (see Gong Show). Now you must get things going, when you start banging them you tell them you want to show them what it’s like to be a Canadian. Position Dirty #1 in Doggystyle position. Dirty #1 will commence eating out Dirty #2, who is also in Doggystyle Position. Here where you come in: You will be the Musher of the Dogsled (the Driver) and the Yankee Dirties will be the Husky Dogs pulling you. Start banging Dirty #1 and commence the singing of Oh, Canada. Tell them to sing the next line. If they don’t know the song, stick your cock in her ass and say “LEARN IT YANK!!” Then kick her off the Canadian Dog Sled Team. Keep this one on the down low from our American Dirties, as we love our great neighbors of the South. A time honored event.
This is the honorable act of letting your friends watch you bang a Dirty. Many Theatres are watched from such places us the closet, a bunk bed, a well-positioned mirror, the crack of the door, under the bed or from a handy window. Cinemas are only performed by hockey boys, as everyone else in the world finds this disgusting. Some girls don’t mind being watched, but others will flip out if you accidently roll out of the closet laughing because you buddy is saying funny shit as he’s banging that broad. If this happens, pull your Gitch up, yell something demeaning to the girl and run for you life. A funny way to bust your buddy in the closet with you is to say something like “Fuck Martin! You pervert!” so the Dirty will blame your buddy and tell her friends about it. The rule of the Cinema is, if busted, the Actor (guy who’s banging) denies any knowledge of the Cinema and normally will get mad at the boys in front of the Slut just to make her feel better, when really he is laughing inside. A great family event for all.
“The Lamb Roast” (Tag Team, Tag, LR)
This is what gave us hockey players are shitty reputation – the old Tag Team. The Lamb Roast is a group effort, and usually turns into a Gong Show. This is the art of getting a girl to bang two hockey boys, you get the term Lamb Roast. It comes from the similarity of cooking a lamb over a fire with a stick in each end; thus one cock in her mouth and one in her snatch. The girl is said to have been Lamb Roasted. This event can also produce a Mystery Hand (see below).
“The Mystery Hand”
The Mystery Hand is one of the best kept secrets in the league. This can only be performed while watching your buddies perform a Tag Team. When you hear the LR happening, quickly and quietly sneak into the room , and drop to the ground like a heap of shit. Try to camoflage yourself with any clothes you can find on the ground, but be careful not to use an errant pair of one of the boys’ stinky Gitch that could be lurking around the floor. Now as the girl is getting LR’ed, this is your cue to move in. Raise your right hand and give it a little stretch to make sure it is in good working order. Now move the hand closer and gently grab any boobies you can find. Careful not to grab a sausage or this could lead to being Dummied. Once you get your rocks off, quickly go back into stealth mode remove your camo and sneak back out the door. No one knew you were there, and it doesn’t make you a bad guy. A great move.
“The Bear Claw” (Dr. Claw)
A close relative of the Mystery Hand, the Bear Claw is more daring as these animals will grab asses while you’re out in a bar socializing. The Claw or Dr. Claw as sometime people call them, enjoys grabbing broads’ asses through the pockets of their pants. This Bear Claw usually doesn’t get busted. for the ass is grabbed as he looks away quickly, but his drunk buddy beside him usually gets sucker punched by a mad boyfriend or a juicer from the Door. Not a classy move, and very sneaky. Don’t recommend this move.
This word is used to describe a loser in general. It could be anyone, even a guy on your team. No one likes the Gimmer and he is soon traded or sent down to Junior C to hone his social skills. Gimmers usually try too hard to fit in. Stay away from Gimmers and Carve them if you have to.
“Going To Town”
This is a great saying that can be used in several different contexts, such as: “I walked in on Shanny last night and he was Going To Town on his cock, and his other hand was jack-hammering his ass”. You can also you this to describe a guy that was really drilling a broad in the sack. A great all around word.
Common word, used to describe a broad over two hundred pounds or more. Never go home with a Deucer in front of the boys, only do it secretly.
“The McDonald’s Surprise Meal”
This is a creative move. While banging the broad doggystyle, you say “I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum!!” You don’t cum, you spit on her back. She will be tricked into thinking you blew and look back at you, when she does have your fire hose ready and put out that fire on her face. She will be so surprised she will look like someone who just found a neat toy in a Mickey D’s surprise Meal Bag. Class Move.
“The Hot Lunch”
Close relative of the Chili Dog, this act is very gross and disgusting. This is where you drop a deuce into a waiting girl’s mouth and she eats it. This broad must be a real peice of work to eat your shit (Ditch Pig), and you must have some problems up top to do this to her (Meat Head). Completely disgusting. Fucking unreal.
“Mint” (Sweet, Pro, Gold, Prime, Money, Sick, etc. )
These are all sayings we use to describe great situations. Also used frequently to describe hot broads. Useful words in every day life.
Yes, the name Wheels comes from the ever famous Canadian show “Degrassi Junior High”, where Wheels was the one with the mullet whose parents died from a drunk driver. It is a name you call one of your buddies who is the smooth talker of the bunch. He is often seen hitting on every girl at a party or the bar and is known to always make progress. Other times Wheels can be a guy that is fast on the ice. He is very key to have around because he will often be a Team Player and get you laid as well. Sometimes he will also have a mullet like the real wheels did in Degrassi, this makes him somewhat of a novelty around town.
“Mowing The Lawn”
This is an action performed by guys who often don’t have any respect for others and are very sneaky. Sometimes it can be a good thing if you are on the mowing end of the action, but if you are on the receiving end you must either be a gimp or you better be sure to take action. Mowing The Lawn refers to when a guy wheels another guy’s girl knowing danm well she is off limits. This act is very disrespectful but if the guy is a loser it is somewhat acceptable.
“Gimp” (Band Aid, St.John’s, etc)
A player who is always hurt; every game he gets a new injury, and he is pretty much a joke on the team. These players are Gimps, and deserve to be Carved for having such shitty bodies that get hurt a lot. (Knock on wood)
Used to describe someone whos life is going down the shitte, a lad’s been dumped by the wife, was a healthy scratch the last 4 games, and is failing Home Ec.
“Fuck Timmy, your life is going down the shitter, man. You’re a fucking Mess”.
A Mess usually quits hockey and goes home in October to work with his dad cleaning out shitters.
This is the girl you want to bang and keep banging. She is one of the hottest girls in town and not very many of the boys have been with her, hence she is Prime Meat.
“Horn Nose” (Gonzo, Shnozer, Noser, etc.)
Any slut or lad on the team with a huge fog-horn nose which ressembles Gonzo from the Muppets tv show. This nose never gets him laid, and he is heard from a mile away much like a steam boat entering the peer, sounding his Horn Nose warning other people of his ugly presence.
This refers to getting the same pussy one of the other boys banged, except you got in there after him. This is unfortunate, and can leave yourself open to getting Carved.
“Hey Dougie, I heard you banged Amy last night. How did I taste, bro?!”
There is no real comeback to that line, and you should drop your head and walk away and buy a case of beer. You had Sloppy Seconds and you just visualized tasting your buddy’s knob. Shitty night all around.
A term to describe that ever apparent ass kisser, do gooder, and guy who gives it his all, all the time. The name originates from the 90’s movie “Rudy” starring Sean Astin. Rudy was a kid with no athletic talent whatsover but he tried his balls off. He is someone who works hard at whatever he does on and off the ice but doesn’t really accomplish much. He will often be seen kissing the coaches’ ass trying to move up in the lineup, but never really gets anywhere for his efforts. Other places his hardwork can be seen not paying off is at a party or the bar. This is where he will try and try again to wheel broads putting in countless amount of hours, but ends up in the same position he came there in – alone. Oh yes, he tries and he tries awfully damn hard. You must give him credit but don’t be afraid to step on his turf or Mow His Lawn. After he has warmed the girl up and got a few drinks into her she is now fair game, after all, he will not succeed in finishing the deal. A Rudy is a great guy to bring along to parties just for that reason he is an ice breaker or bait, if you will. Rudy….Rudy……Rudy.
“The Alberta Flying Squirrel”
This is a fairly new species that has only came to light lately. Apparently Albertans have a special pouch like feature under their nut-sacks. This gives them the ability to give a Flying Squirrel to an unsuspecting Dirty. The Albertan takes his sack and stretches his secret pouch out and over a girl’s face covering it completely, which looks much like a Flying Squirrel would flying from one tree to another. Unbelievable.
“Choda” (Taint, Fromundacheese)
This is the piece of skin that connects your balls to your body. Chodas can become very stinky and can lead to a Choda Swipe (see below).
“The Choda Swipe”
This is one of the funniest and disgusting things you can do to a fellow teammate. After practice, look around the room and choose your victim. Then place your hand down onto you Choda and around the ass region. This will make your fingers smell like shit and ass sweat. Now approach your victim from behind and quickly and efficently give the lad a Choda Swipe above his lips. This gives him a thin shit moustache. You must immediatly turn and run after a Choda Swipe to you car. This smell takes days to get off and will make the victim puke in some extreme cases.
This is the guy on the team that pukes everywhere, in the car, at parties, after a bag skate, on his bitch’s tits. He just has no stomach or is a Light Weight.
A guy that can’t drink, he won’t do shots at the bar, and it takes him a King Can to get hammered. These guys drink with their nuts in their purses, and are a shame to any hockey club nation wide.
“The Saskatoon Sasquatch” (Tatonka, Yeti)
Originally thought to have been exterminated in the 1800’s, legend has it that these animals still lurk in the dark shady parts of many bars throughout Canada. You will never see these beasts at night when you are drunk, you will only see there huge footprints leaving your house after you have slept with them. Somewhat of a urban legend, creepy indeed.
This refers to your team kicking the shit or Piss-Pounding their opponent.